While it may seem like a no-brainer, examining sexual issues and sexual compatibility is essential when you are considering divorce. Several marriage therapists and couple’s counselors report that troubles in the bedroom are some of both the most common reasons and the most common consequences of a marriage headed toward divorce. These sexual issues are, in large part, no different than other issues that plague otherwise healthy marriages; that is, it all boils down to the same general issues of communication, openness, and willingness to change.
Sexual issues in a marriage generally come down to two basic problems: Either too much sex or too little. While this is really an issue that should be discussed prior to the wedding itself, sometimes couples can get through sexual incompatibility by finding common ground and a safe place to communicate — hence where marriage therapists can come in. For many couples battling sexual incompatibility, however, no amount of therapy or counseling will make the issue go away, and divorce may be imminent. This is especially true if one or both partners has ever taken sex for granted or turned it into a “reward” or “punishment,” such as the act of withholding sex after a fight, or demanding sex in return for a favor. This generally causes a spouse to psychologically only be able to identify sex in those filters, making healthy and so-called “normal” sex impossible.
Other less concrete sexual issues that lead to a breakdown in intimacy of a marriage can be less benign. One of these may be simply that neither partner in the marriage makes time for sex, and both are afraid to “schedule it in,” for fear that their sex lives will subsequently be devalued. On the contrary. In middle adulthood, life gets busier than ever, and making a sex date is a common practice among many couples, even those with very healthy sex lives. Another is to take into consideration a partner’s fetishes, even if they make the other partner marginally uncomfortable.
If you or someone you know is considering divorce because of sexual issues or any other reason, the most important step is to seek legal counsel. Do not go through it alone. Contact an experienced DuPage County family law attorney today.