Resentment, regret, and guilt are three of the most powerful negative emotions a person can feel. None are desired in a healthy marriage, yet there are times when one or all three exist. Resentment in a marriagecan occur for a myriad of reasons, least of which is due to a specific action or infraction on the marriage perpetrated by either partner.
Resentment in a marriage is often the culmination of several years of unspoken grudges or feelings that eventually bubble to the surface no matter how many years the feelings are buried. In many cases, these grudges begin very early in the relationship, but the daily grind of living (especially if you have children) often results in grudges being buried and left unspoken for years. Thus, the grudges only get deeper and more serious.
However, there are several actions you can take to help prevent the formation of resentment. One suggestion is to renegotiate with your spouse. When you are feeling overwhelmed, ask for help and support. Also, explain any offending behaviors so that both you and your spouse are on the same page in regards to managing expectations.
Another suggestion is to spend time working on your marriage, such as hanging out with your spouse, in ways and terms that are not necessarily about “fixing” the marriage, about the kids, or about the mundane routines of life that often result in the formation of resentment. Going on dates with your spouse and maintaining an adult relationship separate from the other players and commitments in your life is crucial to maintaining a healthy marriage.
For many couples, resentment is not a surmountable challenge and is more well placed than the marriage itself. If this is the case for you, do not go through it alone. If you are considering divorce in Illinois, contact an experienced Naperville family law attorney today.